Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
