Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
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