i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
