I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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