is your mom at the bar?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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