Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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