i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
