If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
We need to rekindle our bromance
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
