Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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