Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
