got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
