We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
