That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
