I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
