i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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