I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
