You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
