Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize