What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
