i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
