Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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