Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
