not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Randomize
