Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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