I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
