thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
