her vagine was all disorganized.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My bed smells like the plague
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