How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
