I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
