I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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