Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
