but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
