and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
God, I missed his penis.
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