listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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