I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
