i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
