My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize