I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
