I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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