Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
