saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
