i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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