yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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