i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
