Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
