Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
