2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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