Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
