so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
