Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i love accidental penises.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
