Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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