you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
