I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
