I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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