Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
