Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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