i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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