Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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