Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
