But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
