I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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