I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
