he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Duck Duck Cougar?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
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please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
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some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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