Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
