i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
