really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
