some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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