So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
