Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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